need to write my thoughts down,please read if want

yes i feel like writing my thoughts down, so i will do that here..
first of all, jealousy.
i never knew i had this kind of emotion within me, but i hate it, it sucks and its annoying.
i wish i could just throw it away.. and never let it return.. however i am sure i can get over it, just takes a little time.

i am being an big ass. i've lost one of my friends because i ignored her too much..
'why you never call me? why you never visit me?' well im not a chatty person at first, calling also makes me tired. visiting, i prefer to stay home..i dont know..i just dont feel like it..
however i still see her as my friend. even though she might not see me as hers. (girls really are complicated!)
i still dont get it, she said im ignoring her, but i have always been like this to her from since the start. she expects me to change and be perfect? well i am not. nobody is. i think she has to accept me for who i am. isnt that more realistic?

i hate going out, shopping makes me tired, visiting 4 shops makes my sight get blurry. i have such little energy for a normal person..i hate it.. i went to the doctor many times, we still have no idea why i am majour tired 24/7 in my head.. ngh..
i stopped school because of it. im glad i did. either it was finish school and end up into the hospital or quit school and get rest and slowly try to become healthy.
so thats what im doing right now.

i have grown up with a lack of emotions. a heart of stone you could say. the past few years i have finally learned to care about people, i learned the meaning of friendship. (its kinda funny cause roxas had exact the same~)
i have made lots of friends, most of them are 20 years older, others are 10 years younger, but that doesnt matter, does it?

i happen to meet Burton-SB what was it, a year ago? at the start i never thought how much she would mean to me right now. she became my bestfriend, i feel such a lucky ass~ i never knew i would love you so much.. one day without you, feels like one day not living. i seriously cry alot when i cant be with you, its kinda silly~ (even now!! i miss you!! come back!!!! x'D)
when your down, i am down, when your happy, i am happy, i live with you, i feel your pain, i never had experienced this before~
i made one promise with myself, that i wont fall for you. how silly it might sound. but you know what they say, things come and go, but a bestfriend, you will never lose.
i want to be that bestfriend, that is always by your side, in good and bad times, cheering you up, laughing together, whatever happens, i will always be there for you.
i promised, you will never lose me. never. i love you <3 f*king much! -giggles- ..aah! im crying happy tears right now!!~<3<3

another thing i worry about is my weight.
everytime i look in the mirror, im getting scared of what i see, bones bones and bones.
i dont get why.. but i dont want to see this. i have a little bit underweight, im trying so hard to get it back to normal.
thats why im doing sports now, 3 times per week, in hope that i am able to eat more sooner or later, so the freaky bones will dissapear.
oh i are getting pretty muscly now, its pretty cool!

only my chest..
i am almost 20 now (old XD)..and my chest is still flat..
wtf~ sometimes i wonder if im made wrong -giggles- well if i get a six pack, im going to start worry!~ but meh! i rather have no chest than annoying big boobs XD

work..i dont know if i will ever able to work.
with my health right now, im not able to.
so im sticking to the house, and im doing the housework that my mum normally does.
god! i never saw so much dust! XD
housework is actually fun! maybe i will keep this as my job XD

deviantart..yeah..
like i said, i really am not a chatty person, and i cant do more things at the same time.
i either like the one, and ignore the other.
i spend my internet time at msn, so im not really active on here.
thats why i reply your messages very very late.. sorry bout that guys..

well..i guess this is it.. gee i never thought writing your mind down is such a relieve~
oh yeah! when i sweat, i smell like rabbit feed! XDDD